Sleeping through the night...

By natilovesmike on 10/25/2007

Filed in - baby - sleep - night

I am currently trying to teach my baby (14 Months old) to sleep through the night. I don't think I can use a clicker, but I am trying to apply every little piece of information on Learning Theory.

So far he cries 2-3 times and tries to get up, when I put him in his crib. But I keep putting him down again. And I use a glow toy with music for when he settles and he can only use his pacifier when he is in bed. Then I just wait next to the crib for him to fall asleep. For the past few nights this has worked pretty well, but 2 nights ago I put the baby in his crib and I had to leave the room for a minute to get something. I told my husband to look after him. When I got back....big surprise! My husband was cradling him in his arms! It took me a full hour to make him go back to sleep, because he wanted to be picked up and wouldn't settle. Last night it want back to the normal 2-3 crying outbursts but then he settled although it took him a little longer to fall asleep and he kept checking on me to see if I was still next to the crib.

My second challenge on this matter is prevent the waking up at night. He wakes up at 2 or 3 in the morning every night! I try not to feed him because I don't want him waking up to eat in the middle of the night. The problem is that I know I should try to do the same I do when I put him to bed, but I am SO tired that I usually pick him up and go to the couch until he falls asleep again. Then I put him back in his crib where he sleeps until about 6 in the morning.

So far I haven't been able to gather strength to do that, but I will keep trying.

I will keep writing here as a log to find a patter and try to see the small improvements too.

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Sleeping through the night...part 5

Submitted by natilovesmike on Sun, 2007-11-18 16:06.

It's been almost a week now that my son has been sleeping in our bedroom. For the past couple of night he slept until 5:00am! which is a huge success! IT's not very consistent but in average I think he is sleeping longer. I think the reason is that when he wakes up at night I can hear him right away and put him back to sleep before he gets all worked up...but this is completely anecdotal.

I haven't had a really bad night for a while, so I think things are improving. I still have 2-3 more weeks and then he will be back in his crib. But I won't worry about that now!

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congratulations

Submitted by taysha on Fri, 2007-11-30 07:43.

Getting some sleep is so important for you too.
I know you put him in your room because you have visitors in his, but if it works, then why be in a hurry to get him back to his own room? I would suggest getting a stable, successfull sleeping pattern established, and keep it for a while before even concidering moving him.
Having him sleeping in your bedroom won't hurt any of you, quite the opposite. The fact that he can hear you being near (breathing etc) if he wakes up in the night might even help him calm down without even waking you.
Sleeping alone is not actually a natural thing for us humans. The presense of another person is inducing a feeling of safety - humans are flock animals! In many cultures the idea of putting the children in another room than the parents would be concidered to be silly (even neglectful) to say the least.
I belong to a maillist for twin parents, where one of the participants are a child psychologist - she is greatly in favor of families sleeping together. And as she would say:
Don't worry - children *do* grow up to be selfsustaning, responsible adults even if they sleep in their parents room for a few years as toddlers.

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Woo Hoo!

Submitted by Aidan Bindoff on Sun, 2007-11-18 22:27.

That's great news, glad to hear it's working out. How are his daytime sleeps going?

Regards,

Aidan

http://www.PositivePetzine.com

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Sleeping through the night...part 4

Submitted by natilovesmike on Tue, 2007-11-13 22:08.

Well, my mom is here which means Leo is sleeping with us, but in his own bassinet. The first night he almost freaked out when I put him down in his new sleeping place, which tells me how important it is for babies to have a routine. But after a while he fall asleep.

The first few nights he woke up a couple of times and because he is so near me I wake up as soon as he makes the first sound, I get up and put him back down and he falls asleep right away. It's good that he can't get himself all worked up before I reach him. This seems to be working really well because he is now waking only once at night. Maybe by the end of the night he will be sleeping through the night! Well, I won't get my hopes up, but I will keep up with putting him back to sleep in his own bed in the middle of the night...I think it's working.

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Sleeping through the night... Part3

Submitted by natilovesmike on Tue, 2007-11-06 12:41.

Thanks again Aidan for your comments! It' nice to know someone out there is listening :) I will tranfer Leo to my room as my mom is coming to visit for a month and she will need to take his room for the night.

I have decided that I don't need to worry too much about it. The more I worry the worse it goes! And when I relax the nights are a lot better.

The routine now is:
- Leo get tired at about 10:00 PM and when he starts getting fussy I ask him if he wants to go to sleep, to which he answers with his "sleep" sign.
- I put him in his crib, pacifier on and his glow toy on too. He usually settles as soon as I set him down in the crib and depending on how tired he is he falls asleep right away or after 15 min. The thing is that I _have to_ stay by his crib until he falls asleep. And I think this has to do with light issues, because during the day I do the same thing for his nap time but I leave the room as soon as I set him down in bed and after a few tries he falls asleep without me in there.
- He sleeps usually until 1:00 AM and I get up and put him back to sleep in his own crib.
- He then sleeps until 3:00 Am and the tricky part here is that I know I should help him settle again in his crib but I am so tired that I just bring him to bed with us where he sleeps for the rest of the night.

Last night he only woke up once at ~3:00 am and I help him settle in his crib where he slept until 7:00 am!!! YEAH!

My Mom is coming to stay with us for a month now, so I will put his bassinet in our bedroom and I think it will be easier for me to keep him in there all night that way. We will see if he gets better and also if I can transfer the improvement to his own room.

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The Baby Sleep Paradox

Submitted by Aidan Bindoff on Tue, 2007-11-06 19:20.

Glad I can help, especially considering how hopeless I was very recently!

Do you have community health clinics that help with this sort of thing? In Australia you can pop along on a certain day of the week and have your baby weighed, measured and talk about issues such as sleep, feeding etc

One thing that we learned was that a sleep deprived baby often sleeps less than a baby who gets lots of sleep. It seems like a bit of a paradox because it's the complete opposite for us - but the big lesson here is to make sure your baby gets plenty of sleep. I know, I know - you're trying!! But here is the main point I am trying to make:

Definitely put him to bed earlier, don't worry too much about sleepy signs unless this is your ninteenth child and you can spot the really subtle signs By the time they are obvious to the adult human eye your baby will be irritable and difficult to settle. Just put him to bed by the clock.

Also, make sure he gets the right number of day time sleeps and for the right amount of time. We were told to just keep putting our baby back onto her tummy until she had slept for long enough (1:20, which is two sleep cycles), and not to give in.

Getting enough sleep made a huge difference - to ALL of us.

Regards,

Aidan

http://www.PositivePetzine.com

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Sleeping through the night...Part2

Submitted by natilovesmike on Wed, 2007-10-31 09:07.

Thanks Aidan for your reply. It is true there is so much out there on how to make your baby sleep through the night. And everything you say makes sense.

But I just can't let my baby (toddler!) cry for two ours until the extinction burst is past. I just can't do it. I had let him cry for 30 min before and it only breaks my heart and I end up crying with him. I need to find another way.

The good thing is that now my husband and I are in the same page. Just like you did he now will do anything I say or do nothing.

Two nights ago....worst night ever! I let him cry in the crib for a while, but I was in the room with him (maybe that was a mistake). I also kept helping him to lay down again. He kept waking up every 15 min ALL night. And at 7am I gave up and brought him to bed with us. I know it was a mistake and I know that after that awful night the only thing I taught my son was to be VERY persistent and he will get what he wants.
The next morning I was in a horrible mood and mad at my baby (poor little thing) but by the end of the day I relaxed and tried again. He went to bed as usual and woke up at 1am. I got him out of the crib and hugged him, put him back down and helped him settle and he fall back asleep. Then at 3am he woke up again and this time I brought him to bed with us.I was too sleepy to do otherwise...

I really don't know what is right and what is wrong. Is it wrong to let your small child sleep comfortable and secure next to you?If i's not, then when is the right time to explain him he needs to sleep in his own bedroom?

I will keep trying, but I will try to go slowly. In a week my mom will come to visit us and she will have to sleep in my son's bedroom, so the sleeping arrangements will change and I know that will disrupt things again.

So far....no new improvements to report....unless!

Yes! There is one improvement! I usually let my son take his midday nap at our bed. But yesterday I decided that it was time for him to use his own bed...and after several attempts (at least 5) he finally fall asleep on his own on his crib. I was in the room, in a couch that faces his crib working on my computer.

I thought that was something very positive and I will keep doing it...and I will survive the extinction burst when it comes! because it's in the middle of the day!

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What's most important about this?

Submitted by Aidan Bindoff on Mon, 2007-11-05 06:52.

Hi there, I was just thinking, what is most important about this?

Obviously, his health is important - as is yours as his "life support system"! But I'm really getting at what is important behaviorally - and I guess that is that he will do "what works".

If I were training a dog I'd be looking at how to set up "what works" to make it really easy for him to do "what also works for me".

So you could look at doing something like moving his cot into your room to make it easier on both of you. It's not like you're capable of ignoring him and going back to sleep if he cries anyway, and he obviously wants to be near you too!

It might be an effective transition. BUT, you'll have to stick to the rules and not get him up for anything. By all means, rub his back and settle him down but do not get him up unless you have to clean something funky up!

Another thing. My sister had on-going problems with her daughter's sleeping arrangements. The problems stopped literally overnight when they found an effective treatment for her exczema. Sometimes it's a health problem so definitely keep your doctor in the loop.

Normally I wouldn't speak of such things so openly (gasp!), but at his age there are certainly sedatives which a doctor can prescribe. The idea is that you would use them to help you with your behavior modification plan then taper them off according to your doctor's directions.

Regards,

Aidan

http://www.PositivePetzine.com

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Step 1: get on the same page

Submitted by Aidan Bindoff on Thu, 2007-10-25 19:15.

Hi, I am FAAARRR from an expert with this sort of thing but we have just been through the same ordeal and come out with a favourable result.

The glaringly obvious thing that you must fix before you will get anywhere is that you and your husband need to be on the same page. You need to be following exactly the same protocol. That much I am sure of.

This is what has worked for us -
1. no pacifier
2. no music ("noise" is OK)
3. no night feeds
4. put baby to bed awake
5. our baby sleeps far better on her stomach, but this does increase the risk of SIDS so you have to be comfortable with the risk. After 6 months of age that risk is reduced but consult a pediatrician for an informed opinion.

If baby wakes we give her time to self-settle. If she isn't settling we lay her back down, give her a reassuring rub on the back, then leave.

You will go through an extinction burst with all the above things should you decide to go down this path, probably quite a strong one. Ethically, we were very concerned about having our baby cry so much that she vomited*, but we were more concerned about a baby who couldn't get a proper sleep.

(*I should add that we did this under medical supervision in a hospital)

Babies do what works for them. If there is a chance you'll get them up and cradle them or feed them, they'll cry or climb around until you do.

It took us a few weeks, but our baby is much happier at night now and self-settles when she wakes.

If it is after 6am, we get her up when she wakes and doesn't sound like she will settle herself.

It's a very difficult problem because there is so much conflicting information and you make very poor choices when you are sleep deprived! Everyone has an opinion, which is why initially I wasn't going to reply ;-) But I know from experience, eventually you start to make some sense of those opinions, add some learning theory, and you come up with a solution.

I must credit my wife with 90% of our success, I just sorted out the learning theory bit and agreed to do whatever she told me to do so we were on the same page.

Sometimes I make mistakes, like the other day I thought Cath had put our baby in the cot because she needed to put her somewhere safe while we had our hands full. Turns out she had put her down to sleep, and I went in and picked her up and played games with her!

Regards,

Aidan

http://www.PositivePetzine.com

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